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| My brother (left), me (right), and two of our childhood friends |
During our weekly conversations, Lizbeth always loves to talk about her friends and siblings. While walking down the hallway together a few weeks ago, she encountered a friend of hers and they had a little conversation while crossing paths. As we walked away, Lizbeth told me the girl’s name and said “She’s my best, best, bestest friend!” It made me smile and I began to think about the friendships I had when I was her age; I remembered having that single “best friend” as well as a bunch of other friends. It also leads me to consider the differences between my experience with making friends and Lizbeth’s.
Most of my friends were my same race, nationality, and social class. We had a lot of the same interests and spent much time shaping each others’ ideas about life. Lizbeth on the other hand attends a school that is extremely culturally diverse. Most of her friends are probably from all over the world with many different cultural beliefs and practices. Some of them even speak other languages! It is interesting to think about friendships occurring between all types of people, all over the world. As Vaughn writes, “the relationship of friendship is found across virtually all cultures and friendship invariably occurs within a cultural context” (p. 112).
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| Our drawings (I should totally be in DAAP or something) |
Vaughn also writes that “friendships may also serve as a buffer that protects children during adjustment to life events” (p. 113). I’m sure that when Lizbeth’s family moved to America from Mexico that Lizbeth’s friendships helped her our immensely. Whether she called friends from back home or made new friends and shared her experiences, friendships tend to be therapeutic and help people become accustomed to new situations. Her friends also allowed her to become comfortable in her new environment; Vaughn communicates to us that “friendships may also serve a regulatory function so that children learn to modify behaviors to fit acceptable peer norms and ultimately cultural norms” (p. 113). Lizbeth’s new friends have taught her what “appropriate” school behavior looks like in America, and it seems that she has applied this information and adjusted accordingly. She may have even inadvertently taught these norms to some her friends that are newer immigrants to America.
I believe that Lizbeth’s family was a huge help in her adjustment as well. Since they all traveled together, they shared the experiences of immigration and could therefore lean on each other and empathize. Every week when Lizbeth and I talk and share stories, she tells me the fun that she has playing with her siblings. I think it would have been twice as hard for her to move here as an only child than with her siblings. Her brothers and sisters have experienced this new environment with her; I definitely believe that there is strength in numbers. They had each other to lean on when they were having a rough time. Sometimes there’s nothing like having a sibling who is right there with you, experiencing all the hardships that you are. It really strengthens bonds of friendship. I know this to be true when it comes to my brothers and me. When we were younger and began to attend a new school, I was so grateful that I was not alone. I’m sure Lizbeth feels similarly.
This past week when I asked Lizbeth to draw a picture or write down a few sentences of what our time together has meant to her, I was really touched by some of the things that she wrote. She drew a picture of us as cats, and then wrote a few sentences. Her sentences were: “I am really happy that Allison helped me a lot and I missed her a lot because it is almost the time that she is going. I liked when she helped me in my homework. It helped me in class. I wish we could play instead of doing homework. I would like to meet Allison every day instead of every Monday.” I am so glad to have befriended her; I really hope we can continue our mentorship in the future.
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